Out of all the tragic events I have witnessed in my days, nothing aside from 9/11 has effected me as much as what happened on 12/14/12 in Newton, Connecticut. It was supposed to be such a fun day - a company party mired with crazy white elephants gifts including a box of two dozen live crickets, "You might have touched your genitals" hand sanitizer, and of course my gift which included a ceramic squirrel holding a tray for two "nut" salt and pepper shakers. We did have fun, and we did enjoy our time as a company and a team but then for me it was followed by a heavy heart and emotional day as the afternoon went on.
I am sure like everyone else for me it was the loss of innocence, and the absence of logic for the "why". I had to make a stop at home to cry for a few minutes before I went and picked up my children. I definitely hugged and kissed them harder upon pick up, but I believe what hit me hardest was that it could have been my child. My son is 6 - he is in first grade. I just can't imagine. At first I had so many questions because I feel my children's school is very secure - but the truth is if the person is a parent, relative or even known at all to the school, they get buzzed in and go to the front desk/office and if they are loaded with ammunition and multiple guns to kill, it doesn't matter about the buzzing them in or the background check, or anything else. Evil is alive and well and it just seems to be getting more widespread these days. Is the answer taking everyone's right to bear arms away? I don't necessarily agree with that because if someone wants to kill, they will find a way - China is a perfect example - 22 injured and traumatized with a knife attack at a school.
I don't know what the answer is but no one can change what happened yesterday and all I can do now is pray for the families, the victims and yes even the wretched soul that did this, because anyone that commits mass murder in my opinion is not of sound mind. When multiple lives are lost in a matter of hours I hug my kids a little tighter and just realize how precious life is. I need to squeeze them a little tighter, tell them I love them as much as I can and be thankful for every moment I have on this earth to spend with them.
I need to focus on the now and not worry about all the little things. It's the little foxes that spoil the vine. Even though my kids are with their Dad this weekend, I am making a conscious effort to be in the moment with them instead of being so worried about the dirty kitchen, or the picking up of the toys, or the schedule I try to stick to every night. I need to cherish the time that I do have with them and let them know I am here for them in every moment that we spend together. You can always physically be present with your kids, but being completely and consciously present with them in the moment is something different. I at least owe that to them. Life is so short and so fragile - make the most of it. The one way I can attempt to live that way is to always try to do the next right thing. I pray these family overcome.
What will you do differently?
