I have had my fair share of drinking and partying in my life - mostly in my first marriage because once I turned 21 that is all we started doing - checking out the new bar, becoming friends w/the new bartender and picking various home bars. Life was a party back then and surely revolved around alcohol. Fast forward to marriage number two and I was drinking often with the new boyfriend before I got pregnant to cope with the destruction of my first marriage failing. Shortly after I started dating soon to be second husband, I actually realized this was not a good idea because I would just be repeating my behaviors with my 1st marriage in this new relationship so I cut back even though I didn't fully stop drinking.
After having our son we lived in a nice house in North Dallas. Declin was only about 2 or 3 and we met the neighbors out front on a weekend and I watched as their 3 year old daughter brought "special juice" to her daddy who was drinking beer on a Saturday in the front lawn. At this point my second husband was a personal trainer and we were pretty healthy at that time so we didn't have liquor or alcohol in our house so Declin didn't really know about beer - he had maybe seen mom and dad drink some wine with certain meals but it wasn't that often. Seeing even a 3 year old know that it's only something adults have and know that beer is a part of her dad's life even if in moderation really stuck with me.
I was drinking wine for a couple of weeks at home when I was going through some personal issues when Declin was about 3 (this was my coping mechanism at the time). Declin wasn't even in school yet so he hadn't learned about drugs or alcohol but still told me to stop drinking it because I did have to tell him it was something he couldn't drink. That affected me. After I had my daughter I was seriously considering not drinking in the house and set the example that even casual drinking is not a good thing to do. Shortly after my daughter was born, I began attending Celebrate Recovery and after getting into my step study and listening to the teacher who is now my sponsor - one thing hit home with me and stuck and that is when I made my decision to stop drinking. I started my step study in Jan 2011. I went to CR for someone else but stayed for myself because I needed healing and to figure out why I did the things I did in my jacked up relationships.
My job and industry is just filled with happy hours, mixers and lunches all provided with free alcohol, wine or beer. For a while that was my rule - I will only drink if it's a social and work event because then I will be blending in with everyone else and of course I wouldn't be paying for it. Ha - I also did that with cigarettes for a while when I used to smoke - I will just BUM cigs and not pay for them so that way I'm not a full blown smoker/drinker and that makes it totally ok. haha.
That was my justification for still doing things I wanted to do and setting an example at home of what I feel the kids need to see - the non drinking or smoking mommy. During one of my teachings in my step study it was pointed out that you are only in integrity with yourself when who you say you are or present yourself to be and who you really are is the same. On March 11 of 2011, I attended a luncheon at work for one of the Houston stations I bought and there was great free food and drinks. I had a lovely steak and a glass of red wine. I got back to work, felt like crap after drinking that glass because all I wanted to do was take a nap. Then all the reasons why I should NOT drink flooded my mind and then I asked the question what is even the point to have one glass for me? The taste? Just so I look like I fit in because everyone else is drinking? I cannot drink to get drunk - I am not made that way as I suffer from alcohol poisoning if I reach a certain point and dry heaving for 8 hours after a night of drinking a lot is no fun to me. Then I thought - what good has ever come from drinking? Crazy stories have come from people drinking too much - I can name numerous fights that happened because people were drunk, I can name 3 cars in my lifetime that were wrecked or totaled from both of my exes because of their drinking or drugging and then driving. I can name nights where I can't even remember what happened, nights where people threw up and passed out, nights where people slept with people they shouldn't have because of alcohol. To me all of those experiences do NOT equal a good time.
I can name two tragic events as to why I hate alcohol and the most defining reasons why I chose to quit drinking. One is because my very good friend Edward Glenn Batte (RIP) was hit by a drunk driver while on a motorcycle and died shortly after arriving at the hospital. The other is when a 15 year old girl drank too much beer in her parents' fridge in the garage on a fateful summer night. Her choice to drink alcohol I know further depressed her current state of mind and she ended up taking 10-14 antihistamine pills which who would of known the combination of both would be deadly. There is no doubt in my mind she would not have taken those pills if she would have been sober. If that would have been my daughter how guilty would I feel for having that alcohol in the house? I am not saying we can shield our kids from them making horrible decisions, that could have happened at a friend's house, too. My question to myself is how am I going to live my life in front of my kids? What example am I going to set for them? Without going into too much detail - both of my exes started drinking alcohol at a very young age - like 12 or 13. One had access to their parents' stash in the house and the other one watched their father drink beers in his car and hide that from their mom.
I also thought - what if I was drinking one night while their dad had the kids and I accidentally drank too much and got popped with a DWI? I could lose my kids! There is just no reason or point for me to drink being a single mom. Too much on the line plus addiction runs through the veins of my family and I am not going to take the chance.
All in all the ultimate decision for me was to be in integrity with myself and my kids so that who I am while in front of them and who I am while away from them are the same. I am not a hypocrite with them and that was my main decision as to why. Will I not drink forever? I don't know I do miss wine with a good steak but I don't crave it. I was surrounded by free flowing liquor at Rachel Ray's Feedback during SXSW and had no desire whatsoever to drink. I had an amazing day, too because I chose to be healthy and did not envy people stumbling out of the place after drinking from 10am-4pm that day. I just really hope they were not about to hop in a car and drive somewhere.
I don't care what people think anymore or I would have continued to drink to "fit in". Some people look at me like I have two heads and some are like that's cool. I don't care. I see the destruction that drinking, drugs and addiction has had in my life and in others' lives. I am living a healthier lifestyle, doing my first triathlon next month - so of course I don't need to drink. It just doesn't fit into my lifestyle at all. It's really hard to believe it's been two years since that luncheon - it doesn't even seem like it and I don't really miss it. One last saying that sticks with me is what you do in moderation your kids will do in excess. I also know that I could set an amazing example and my kids could still go off the rails when they get into their teenage years - I'm fully aware of that but at least I know that what I did for myself and my kids is the right thing to do regardless of the outcome. Please contact me if you are wanting more info about Celebrate Recovery or getting healing from jacked up relationships, past hurts that hinder your current life, negative habits, guilt and shame or anything that is keeping you from living an abundant and full life.
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